U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
