Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
