Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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