Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
