Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
