the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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