I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
