Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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