dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
