my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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