barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i've created a new STD.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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