you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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