six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's blow job season.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
