you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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