Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
