dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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