I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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