So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
