I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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