Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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