he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
