apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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