my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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