he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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