dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dicks are not precious.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
