Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
