just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
