Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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