No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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