____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
