So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
