The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
