she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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