I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
