WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
