Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
