my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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