I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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