ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
