We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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