Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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