All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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