if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize