Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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