Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
