So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize