Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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