He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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