Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
