I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
