tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
