her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
