6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
