at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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