What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
