Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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