He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
