I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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