Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
