this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
