Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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